Why you should try mutual masturbation

Sex isn’t just about give and take between you and a partner, you can still do you, so to speak.

Mutual masturbation is a sexual activity that involves stimulating yourself in the presence of your lover. It’s a great way to learn exactly how your partner likes to be touched, and it can be really erotic and intimate.

However, for some, masturbating in the company of another can bring about feelings of guilt and shame and be downright intimidating.

Historically, masturbation tends to carry greater stigma than sex, and can lead to some nervousness around showing your partner your sweet spots. But remember that masturbation is a perfectly healthy, normal way to express yourself and something that nearly everyone participates in.

Within a relationship mutual masturbation can take the focus off penetration and allow you to explore new sensations, that can lead to better sex. It’s also another way to feel close and sexually connected to your partner when you might not be in the mood for sex but feel like getting off. Plus, if you find yourself separated by distance, mutual masturbation over the phone or FaceTime is incredibly hot.

Whether you use toys or your hands, mutual masturbation can lead to better communication and sex within a relationship.

Feeling less intimidated? Read on to discover our tips for getting started.

Pleasure not performance

Before you get down to business, remember that the goal of mutual masturbation is to pleasure yourself, not perform for your partner. Go at your own pace and do what feels best for you. If that means funny faces, positions, and noises that can come with masturbating, so be it. And remember, the sexiest thing in the bedroom is confidence.

Introducing it to the bedroom

How you and your partner communicate naturally will determine the way you want to bring up mutual masturbation. For some it might feel most comfortable to bring up in the heat of the moment, by saying something like “Show me how you like to make yourself come,” or even “I want you to watch me touch myself”.  For others, bringing it up outside the bedroom can work better.

If a direct conversation feels intimidating, suggest creating a yes/no/maybe list with your partner. Write down a number of sex acts, including mutual masturbation, then go through the list with each other and determine what you’d both like to try, what you’re both open to trying, and what is off the table. There could even be a ‘show and tell’ aspect, with the aid of your fave sex toy.

Check in

As with any sex, checking in before, during and after is essential.

Mutual masturbation looks different for everyone, it may start with you touching yourself before guiding your partner’s hands to replicate those movements on yourself. You might sit on other sides of the room touching yourself or you might find yourself laying on top one another other stimulating yourself. However, as the event unfolds, check in with your partner throughout. It can be as simple as, “Do you like that?” or “Do you want me to keep going?”. This can also be a great way to introduce dirty talk into things