Help, I've lost my Sex Drive!

• Contraception, such as birth control pills. When you're on the pill your hormonal balance changes, and consequentially, your desire for sex may change too.
  
  
• Menopause. Our estrogen levels drop drastically in the lead up to and during Menopause. This in turn can create vaginal dryness and pain during sex, which may cause you to consciously or subconsciously avoid sex.
  
  
• Stress can be a huge factor! In this day and age our day to day life can be both stressful and exhausting. We are stretched pretty thin with family, partners, work commitments, financial worries and lets not forget the current pandemic that has turned our world upside down. Is it really that surprising that sometimes the thought of being intimate at the end of a long, arduous day can seem like it's more trouble than it's worth?
  
  
• Antidepressants can also affect your libido as they are taken to correct an imbalance in the brain, which may affect your hormonal balance as well.
  
  
• Anxiety. Daily anxiety can lead to performance anxiety with a partner.

So how can you increase your sexual appetite?
First of all....Calm down! Try not to over think it. Negative thoughts such as...“Whats wrong with me?”, “Will I ever orgasm again?”, “Does my partner think I am not attracted to them anymore?”, “What if I don't feel in the mood tonight?” ... are not helping the situation. Often we can stress ourselves out so much worrying about whether we will be turned on, that arousal itself is next to impossible.

So brace yourself, here is my no-nonsense plan to help get your sex drive back!
If you are in a relationship, I suggest be honest with your partner about how you have been feeling. It will certainly be so much easier if you are both on the same page and working towards the same goal, your arousal.

Next, take sex out of the equation, (just for now), and therefore take the pressure off you mentally. This may allow you to relax more and enable you to work on feeling sexy, sensual, relaxed and loved.

Now to get you in the zone. Some tried and true methods are...

• Enjoy a long, hot bath together. Possibly adding some Wildfire Original to the water. This oil is filled with natural aphrodisiacs and pheromones.
  
  
• Enjoy an intimate massage, moving close to, but not necessarily touching your private parts. Again, no expectation of sex afterwards will help relax you. There are many massage oils and creams available. One of my favourites is Intimate Earth's Sensual Massage Oil. It has a Cocoa bean and Goji scent which is very sexy and easy to apply.
  
  
• Get a good nights sleep and eat a well balanced meal. Basically, look after yourself from the inside out.
  
  
• Last but not least, think about visiting your local AdultShop store. The staff are well versed in the art of getting your tingle back! One amazing product for that exact thing is a liquid vibrator called On Oil. One or two drops on the clitoris increases blood flow and creates a unique buzzing sensation. This allows you to react to stimulation much easier than before. Essentially it takes the hard work out of trying to turn yourself on, you're already halfway there.

Lubricant is another must have in my opinion. Take the pressure off your body and create the suggestion of arousal with a good quality lubricant. A great water-based lube is Pjur Aqua, it's a lovely long lasting lube that doesn't get tacky and is perfect to use both with or without toys.

Now the fun bit.....toys!!! For today lets focus on clitoral stimulation, however there are many toys available to stimulate other areas, such as the g-spot, p-spot and perineum. There are literally thousands of toys for women these days. In fact we are quite spoiled for choice. I could list off a hundred adult products that will no doubt help stimulate, but I'll get right to the point and tell you my favourite... The Womanizer, (cue the choir of angels singing). Sometimes vibration can over stimulate the clitoris, often resulting in the user not being able to climax, something we want to avoid. The Womanizer however uses air technology to stimulate the clitoris without direct contact. This type of stimulation allows many women to climax much more easily and more often. For me, The Womanizer is quite simply the easiest way to orgasm. It's also a toy that can be used solo or with your partner.

So you've picked your toy. It's tempting to rush home and use it together, however my advice to you is to take your time and use the toy on your own for the first time. Perhaps have the house to yourself, find your favourite room or space, relax, maybe read some erotica or watch an adult film and then christen your new toy... Once, twice, three times a charm, lol.

The last step is to add sex back into the mix, with the expectation being intimacy, not necessarily orgasming first time. As the old saying goes, practice makes perfect.

Now by no means is my plan foolproof, but I'd like to think it may point you in the right direction. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself, lose the expectations and pressures you've put on yourself in the past and take your time.

If you find you are still struggling with a low libido, perhaps check in with your doctor. A low sex drive really is quite a common occurrence both in men and women, and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Wishing you happy thoughts and many, many orgasms!

Written by Kristal
Sales Assistant of 6 years
AdultShop Albany Store